this is something from an older post, from 08/20/2002 to be exact.

"I am in control. But I lie too much to myself. I delude myself. I’ve lived in my fantasy world to long. I am not in control at all. I’m not real. None of you are. I’m already dead and this must be hell."

i dont remember what got me to write that one but i do empathize with it. like, i know how it feels to feel dissasociated with everything you thought you knew and grew to love. but i also know that when you rediscover those things its like comming home from a long hard trip. it feels good. and thats something i've been looking forward to for awhile.

things are always different i guess. every step leads to a new path, which over laps to an older one which returns to the begining which leads to the end which leads to another path... and life goes on and on and on.

last monday was pretty cool. I went over to Jacob's house which was really odd cuz when we hang out he usually doesnt want to stay at his house so it was a nice experience. we played a lot of video games with his brothers and watched the Avengers movie. pretty much it i guess.

Tuesday was alright. I tried to get Candice and/or Andrew to come with me to this dinner thing at BJ's but neither could. but it was alright i guess. Josh went which was unexpected so i didnt have as much fun cuz he's a fucking loser and i dont like hanging out with him. otherwise it was alright. after dinner we all went to Target were i found treasure. treasure in the form of an action figure worth at least $35 but up to 50 dollars. pretty cool. we got a little drunk and started talking about how you'd need food after having sex for 7 days straight. it was... odd and a little uncomfortable i guess. i'm glad Candice and Andrew didnt go.

Friday is tomorrow. i've had 2 beers since i've started writing this. its about 9:00 now. Boondock Saints is a terrific movie, though i'm not sure if its as good as Leon the Professional, which is one of my favorite movies right now.

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