So, i'm cleaning a lot around the house. i actually just got back from donating a lot of clothes and stuff. i cant believe they dont accept computer monitors. fuck... oh well, i'll have to get rid of them some other way.

i didnt play guitar hero at all yesterday. i dont know why. oh, speaking of guitar hero, i put up a cool song from the game on my myspace. it was a tough call between The Splits "Even Rats" and another cool song "Breaking Wheel" by Artillery. i think i picked a good song, but i dunno, i might change it to the other one.

i've been reading a lot of my graphic novels and the Kurt Cobain journals. its passing the time well i guess. my friend Milo called me up today to see if i was intrested in some new light gun game that came into his store. anyway, he's going to transfer an application that i sent into his department to the other side of the store. so... that might be cool.

i didnt cry about Candice once yesterday. i think thats pretty cool. i'm very proud of myself. anyway, i dont like being on the computer because i always check my email every few mintues, i guess i hope to hear from Candice. but i havent in awhile, so i dont know. i need to keep busy.

i did keep pretty busy i guess. Me and Nadia went to donate some stuff, i guess Mission Solano does not accept computer monitors... so i'm going to have to dump them in someones lawn or something.

we also went to Dryers and it brought back a lot of memories, thats where i met Candice in person. in front of Dryers. i was a badass and didnt cry but i couldnt help remember it. a few days later we'd share our first kiss. and a year and several months later we'd be broken up. i'm making myself feel sick again.

i ran today. it felt... good i guess. but it brought up a memory. when Candice first got her license, i'm not even sure we were talking to eachother than, probably not, i cant remember us talking. but she was with Selina and i think Wayne, but i'm not sure, and they stopped and asked me if i wanted a ride back home, and i said no, because i was jogging. i wish i said yes, because that would be just that much more time we'd spend together. god, i miss her so much. i still think about her and worry about her. i hate how she gets off so late and then drives home. i always think the worst. i shouldnt, i know that but i do. it really felt good to run so hard that my chest hurt. i really want to push myself see how far i can go without passing out.

did i mention i miss Candice? i do, i miss her very much.

Nadia's birthday is tomorrow. Candice wont be wishing her a happy birthday. that makes me sad because Nadia really liked Candice too. i wonder if she'll ask about Candice, i havent told her that we arent together anymore. i wonder what she thinks about it.

i've been trying to contact everyone i know. its been yeilding some intresting results. Aimee wants to hang out with me some time next week. we had a lot of fun in Biology class. I'm going to try and hang out with this girl Daniel from TRU. we were really cool when we first met but after Tasha turned her into a whore we sort of stopped talking.

ten things i like about myself that i never thought Candice liked:
1. i play boardgames. My family has never played a boardgame together. i've always wanted to.
2. i read comic books. I think it takes more skill for a writer to write a story, hand it to an artist to draw and then write captions for the characters.
3. i like to collect Starwars action figures. Starwars is history that i'm apart of. people will be watching starwars for a long time and i want a piece of that.
4. i play video games. i've always wanted to play with Candice.
5. i like the music that Marilyn Manson produces. we'd rarely listen to his works together but i did get her to listen to "Mechanical Animals" quite a bit.
6. i like introducing my friends to Candice. i would have very much liked for all of us to hang out once.
7. i like to build models. i'm not sure if Candice didnt like that hobby or not, but i always got the impression that she never understood it. i cant remmeber her ever looking at my robot models that i made several years ago.
8. i liked paying for "everything" that i could pay for. it made me feel worthy i guess. it made me feel like a man.
9. i liked blowing off friends to hang out with Candice because sometimes thats what i needed.
10. i never liked waking Candice up when i got up because i never felt right doing it.

ten things i loved about Candice that she might not have knew:
1. sometimes i wanted to cuddle more than anything else.
2. i always loved having dinner at her house because its something i've never really experienced, and i liked it a lot.
3. i loved how she'd always want to pay. it made me feel like we were equals.
4. how she'd think of me when she'd go to starbucks and call to ask if i wanted anything.
5. i loved how she would dress. she always looked beautiful.
6. i love how she risked so much to sleep over so many times.
7. i loved how she'd almost always ask me where i wanted to eat.
8. how i loved seeing her smile. i've never felt better than when she was smiling at me.
9. i liked how she'd sort of talk like a mom, and speak all cute to me.
10. i really really loved when she'd randomly break into song and put me in total awe of her voice.

i really do miss Candice a lot.

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