i feel like the scene in Donnie Darko, its at the end where Donnie is laughing and its just before he "dies." its the understanding that's so funny.

like i told Wayne earlier, i went shopping with my dad all morining. i'm tired now... we bought "goodie bags" for Nadia's 2 best friends. we bought most of the stuff to put in them at the dollar store. anyway i found books, namely "Why Arnold Matters," and wanted very much to put them in the goodie bags. i'm crazy i know. but it would have made me laugh like an idiot when those little girls reached in and pulled that out. i'm laughing just thinking about it.

my uncle is supposed to be here any freaking second.

umm... i'm really tired.

Nadia did not ask about Candice. i think she was having too much fun with her friends to really think about her. i think that has deeper implications regarding myself.

i'm looking forward to going down to Sacramento on saturday. should be AWSOME.

Nadia got Kingdom Hearts 2. i cant believe this. its like as hard as i try to move on something has to pull me back. Candice was talking a lot about that game before the "great falling out" as i'm calling it. this is unbelieveable.

no worse yet, when my uncle came over he was looking through my CDs and wanted to listen to the Coheed and Cambria cd, "Keeping Secrets in Silent Earth: 3." its like god himself has it out for me. why? why does this have to be such a painful breakup? why is it that everytime i feel like i've taken a step away i'm brought 3 steps closer? this is fucking crazy. it really is. its not that i want to forget. its just i really want to move on. everytime i remember i feel like getting back with Candice, like its up to me... but it isnt. it never was and it wont ever be. i want to feel anything other than this pain in my heart.

i still miss Candice. i'm making myself cry now. thinking about all the good times. they wont happen ever again. damnit. i went 2 days without crying, and now here i am sobbing like a little girl. what the hell is wrong with me. Candice is probably perfectly fine, moving on and doing great things and here i am in fucking relationship limbo. not exactly, i know where i stand but its not where i want to be. i'm such a loser its becoming so clear to me why Candice left me. i hate this. i feel so angry right now. here i am feeling so depressed, lingering in fresh memories. she doesnt care i bet. she didnt care to try and work things out she doesnt care to remember.

i feel worse because i think thats true.

powered by SignMyGuestbook.com