I got back from Sacramento about an hour ago. i had a lot of fun, i really needed it.

i got there around 3ish, which was good because it was pretty early, we watched a lot of that Detective Connan anime that Selina likes. aspects of it were good i guess, but i really couldnt get into it, its too serious but comical in the most ungraceful way imagineable. i want to see the movie "Happyness" now. it looks funny, but at the same time it sort of speaks to me in terms of my relationship.

anyway, we went to the K street mall. I kept thinking of when me and Candice went and i threw coins into the fountain and i wished Candice would kiss me and she wished that i kissed her. it was straight out of a movie. i remember it being a pretty good kiss. not a total take your breath away because i havent seen you for weeks but definetly a good one. Wayne took had his picture take next to it.

we went to Jonny Rockets, they had great Chilli. a little too much cheese for my taste but otherwise excellent, i think they fry their beef before they add it to the chilli. we got our parking voucher validated. free parking is great, on the monopoly board or off.

after that we went around old town Sacramento. it was really nice, i liked it there, it wasnt as bad as i remembered it. we went to this game store that sort of sucked ass. everything was kind of expensive and the coolest thing they had was a "fly killing gun;" which looked really cheap. we then found a comic book store, it was alright i guess, better than the one in Vacaville but nothing like Waterfront or Big Brother Comics. i didnt buy anything but Wayne ended up getting a bunch of Rare Magic the Gathering cards. it was a good deal in my opinion. then we went to the Saltwater Taffy place. i love salt water Taffy. in the words of the famous Mayor Adam West, "and i'm a man who loves his taffy." its soo good. i bought a little over half a pound of taffy.

i ended up giving the rest to my brother.

i dont like putting his real name on here, i dont think i ever have but i dont really know. i'm a little worried someone will track him down and i'd be the one to blame because i never got his consent to put his name down. come to think of it i've never had the consent of anyone else who's names appear in this diary. a double standard? yes.

so yeah, after the saltwater taffy place we went to this "hippy store." i guess thats the best way to describe it really. they sold bongs and insense and all sorts of crazy junk. Wayne bought some insence and a hemp coin purse only its not really a coin purse because you could put more than just coins in it, as Wayne illustrated by putting his cell phone inside. i sort of wanted to get this awsome insense holder that was made of stone and had a Yin-Yang symbol on it. it looked pretty high quality and it wasnt really expensive but i was affraid the insense wouldnt be held straight on it because the hole looked like it was drilled at an angle.

i wanted to go to Big Brother Comics so we walked through the mall and past Hardrock Caffe. that sparked another memory. i remember Candice wanting to go on her 20th birthday. she wanted to go to the one in San Francisco. i forgot what happend but we didnt end up going. me and Candice ate there, and she couldnt finish her food, so we walked around and some guy wanted it so we were lucky enough to give it to him. i had a lot of fun that night with her. we went to the comic book store Wayne, Selina and i were headed to earlier today.

i must confess, things arent the same without that girl in my life. i feel really bad. she messaged me over Myspace asking why i havent been replying to her messages and i told her:
"Candice, its hard for me. I dont know how you feel, but i feel so depressed. I want you back so much, but you've told me i dont have a chance. I just want to get through this Candice. I hate having to turn my back on you like this, but honestly i cant be in what i've called "relationship limbo" with you anymore. I cried myself to sleep last night, and i dont know how to stop thinking of you. I dont know if we'll ever be friends Candice. I'll always look at you as being my girlfriend. I dont want that. I want to be happy for you when you move on and find someone else. Right now, i'm just completely and utterly lost. I need sometime Candice. I hope you understand. I mean, read my diary, death452.diaryland.com/ it really sums it up the past 10 or so entries. I only got 2 messages over myspace, no emails.
I hope you understand now Candice. I love you. Goodbye."
i really do love Candice still. i wont lie about that, i'm kinda proud that i still do given my situation. but i know she doesnt want me hanging out with her if she knew that i'd only be trying to "win her back." she just wants a friend and right now, feeling how i am, and wanting what i wasnt, its not possible. i hate giving up on her in any possible aspect of any varying degree of our relationship status, but now there isnt anything to "give up on." its a shattered memory of a broke relationship, or something equally cliche. man, i wish we could just agree to just date and work from their.

the idea makes me laugh a little because it would be like Bush lowering the terror alert. from Red to Orange like i'd be from "i dont know how to live without you my love," to "okay, see you next date, nice movie huh?" its feels a little stupid, but i know i'd be content with something like that. where am i going with this? oh yeah, i remember now...

so Selina, Wayne and i eventually get to Big Brother Comics and i love that place so i go straight to the used section. I hella wanted the TPB of "The Infinity Gauntlet" its going for its cover price on amazon.com, and it was on sale used for 14.99 i think the savings were 10 dollars. i think they were the same edition. i did end up buying a lot of other stuff though, "Wolverine: The End" for $9.99 (a saving of 5 bucks), "Badrock Wolverine" for $2.00 (a crossover between Marvel and Image comics, and a saving of $2.95), "Excalibur: The Sword is Drawn" for $1.99 (a really old "origin of" styled comic with art by Alan Davis! it saved me 1.26 cents to get it used. but really, i'd never have found it otherwise), and the best find ever, "Spider-Man Versus Venom" at cover price of $8.95 (it collects 6 issues illustrated by Todd McFarlane. he modernized spiderman.). So in total it all costed me nearly $25.00. pretty good deal regarding that everything except "Wolverine: The End" is totally out of fucking print.

after that we went to Ikea, so i'm not an Ikea virgin anymore. i've been to one. it was cool i guess. a little overwhelming but lots of nice stuff at really great prices. i wish it was a little smaller though. after that we went back to Wayne and Selina's place. i left shortly after.

this entry is such a mess, a little of what i did and a lot of what i felt. i miss Candice, and i wish she'd call me and we'd be able to hang out and i could show her how i feel about her without it getting all crazy. i wish she felt the same way about me. what follows will probably define me as being a total "queer." i'm not by the way, but it was a song that i listend to about 374852384753849756 times on the way up and back from Sacramento. here it goes, "I Swear" by All-4-1:

I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky
And I swear like the shadow that's by your side

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my heart

`Coz I'll stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart

And I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear, like a shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse, till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

I'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the walls

And when just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care
`Coz as the time turns the page, my love won't age at all

And I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky
I swear (and I swear) like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse, till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

I swear (I swear) by the moon and stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there

For better or worse, till death do us part
I'll love you with every
(single) beat of my heart
I swear, I swear,
Oh... I ... swear...

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