i feel pretty terrible. i'm not happy with every aspect of my life today. i feel really hurt because i read candice's new blog on the space and she didnt add my name to her list of characters that were present. its like i wasnt there. i also feel hurt because i feel candice doesnt appreciate me anymore. or at least not as much as she used to. like, even when we are together its like i'm on the backburner still, or like i'm in the back seat in her mind. maybe its just me. she also wrote "I'm glad when he comes over because it doesn't happen very often." but i came over three times before that. we usually hang out at my house because we can have more privacy and because we can be loud and do things. she paints this picture representing me as this asshole sometimes. not that i'm not its just it doesnt feel right for her to be doing it.

also, i hate how she doesnt pay for anything anymore. ever. like, she'll offer to but only after i've started paying. it would just be nice for her to just do it and let me be the one to offer.

another thing that is sort of bothering me is the fact that anytime something happens i have to do something about it to fix it. in just a few days we'll have been together for 2 years. and in that time she's never come running after me, its always me behind her. i dont wish for the oppsite though becuase it would mean another fight but at the same time in some little way i do wish she could be in my place for a little while.

this sucks. i'm worried about the anniversery. i'm putting too much pressure on myself, i'm making this into a life or death event. thats whats really bothering me. i feel sick. i just threw up. i'm going to stop writing now. lol, its one week from today. i'm treating this as if i'm on death row with one week to live.

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