man, i tried, well no i didnt try, i talked to Candice today. it didnt go as well as i wanted it to of course. i walked into BJ's cuz i figured she'd be hanging out with Andrew, and of course she was. and when i asked her to listen to me she went into the womens restroom. i followed. and while she was inside a stall i told her everything. what i was feeling how i loved her just everything. i promised her that if she doesnt want me in her life i'll leave her alone. at the end of it all she said good bye. and i asked if she wanted me to leave her a lone and she does. i asked her why and she said its because she's tired of not being enough for me and that she couldnt keep doing this. i asked her if she'd ever find someone who would love her like me and she didnt really reply to that one but said you only think you love me as much as you do, you dont know what you want. i couldnt help but think of all the stuff i've gone through for our love, and maybe it wasnt just me wanting more but she also wanted more.

as much as it hurts me i'm letting go. i have to i guess. i made a promise.

i did feel like a bit of an asshole, walking in with flowers of all things. eh. it was something i had to do for myself as much as for her and i'm glad i did it. i'm glad i let it all out. i just wish the out come was different.

i told my dad everything. he was hurt that i didnt tell him about the cancer thing. but i think he understood too. i'm alright, hurt, but alright. Its going to be a long time untill i even try dating. i dont want to harbor this pain really, its just i need some time to think about a lot of stuff.

I'm sorry i ruined your life. it was totally unintentional. I hope maybe in the far far future we could at least be able to talk again. i'll miss your insight and your humor and your intelligence and your creativity. i'll miss your smile, your hair, your toes, i'll miss the area on your neck just below the ear. i'll miss your willingness to be a better person, i'll miss your stubborness, i'll miss your ethics and morals. i'll miss you so much Candice. and i'll miss it for a very long time. good luck to you Candice. just know i really care and still love you and i've always just want you happy. i really do. keep your chin up, your amazing for an infinte number of qualities, and you'll be happy with someone. even if its not me. good bye Candice.

this was copied from the Myspace blog (sorry diaryland).

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