I hung out with Wayne and Seilna today. it was great. we talked a lot and they shared a lot of their thoughts what happend and i told them everything. i told my brother everything too. he was upset about the cancer thing. anyway though, we hung out for a long time. i called about an hour after i got off. we met up at the park and talked and then we went to the starbucks in suisun. we got free samples of the new maple latte. its yummy. Wayne is protective of his friends. i like that its like he's always on my side, even if i might be wrong. thats comforting.

speaking of which, i was talking to Michelle online. anyway we were talking about how i consider myself a man in the classical sense, and that i value honor, truth and morals over anything else. and its like while i sort of lied to Candice i did go back to tell her the truth and i did feel what was right. i said that i'd probably fit in well in medival europe. i think i'd have liked that time period. anyway she gave me a lot of insight too. like from her experiences and her ideas. it was all very philisophical. i enjoyed it greatly. i did go home and cry during my lunch break. i'm not ashamed to say that. i cried for about 10 minutes before i talked to Michelle. it was good. first time i really let it all out since the break up.

work was pretty cool. i told the story of last night to a few people. i refered to it as "a world of ugly the likes of which i had not knew existed" because it all went pretty poorly. i saw one of the collectors from my TRU days, i forgot his name saddly but he's the eccentric hot wheels dude. very cool guy. very enlightend. he knows what its about.

i also got to train more people. which is good. i train well, thats what the managers say anyway. but they also say that i train like a fucking jerk. thats probably true too. i'm sort of a dick because i dont like fuck ups on my watch. i'm expected to present knowledgable workers to my bosses and i really expect the best out of the people i train. i quiz them and show them around and i listen to them. its all pretty cool. i didnt get to work with Kayleen that much though, she came in hella late. not late for her shift of course just late in the day. i think we have a lot of fun together. we dont take our jobs as seriously as we probably should.

what happend to Jason? i havent seen him at work for awhile. i hope he didnt quit.

okay i need to go to bed now. i gotta get up at 5 for work. i'm going to visit Wayne and Selina tomorrow. maybe Andrew or Jeff will come with. i left messages for both of them. we'll see though.

i miss Candice with every breath i take. its hard to believe that she doesnt want to see me. but i made a promise, and i'm a man. i'll do this untill it kills me.

i heart you.

oh i've been singing along to Silverstien and As I Lay Dying. my throat HURTS.

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