i was going to write an entry earlier today. I wanted to say that it didnt hurt anymore.

Thats not the case. I was just about to go to bed and i was feeling all content and everything. it it just hurt again. it felt like she was there, next to me. looking at the wall and i had my eyes closed and i swear i felt her. i hate this. i feel like i have lost my mind completely. i keep listening to songs like "Its Been Awhile" and this new song, "Everything Changes." i dont know why i'm hurting myself. i have an idea. i dont want to be happy if i'm not with Candice. its crazy. i'm crazy. i know. we should have just kept dating. eh... i'd still want more though. i dont know what to do. i've run out of ideas. i dont want to go to school tomorrow, i dont want to go to work. i dont want to stay at home. i just want to see her feel good. i want to see her smile. i want a good bye forever hug. i feel like throwing up.

i'd give anything to hear from Candice. i dont see her parents at Raley's anymore. i miss Jessica and Ashley and Matthew. i'd probably cry if i saw them again.

i'm really waiting to die i think. its like i dont know what to do to pass the time till then. i still have the picture frame Candice gave me. it has 3 pictures in it. one from when we went to Hard Rock, one from when i walked to her house after work, and another picture... i think its outside her house. its the best thing she's ever given me. i think i cried when i saw it it was so great.

i hope Candice is doing better than me in every sense. Physically i feel sick, emotionally i feel dead, mentally i feel dulled. i pray tomorrow will be better. good night. I love you, and i think about you still, everyday. hopefully i'll get better.

a break up is like getting sick, only you dont ever really get back to normal.

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