I never really liked the word rouge. i dunno why.

so i sort of thought about life again. i'm not really angry about anything anymore. its like this all encompassing neutrality that i see through now. there are exceptions but they pass, like somebody does something and it catches my attention but then after a little bit of time passes its nothing again.

i was looking through some of the pictures i took while in Paris. i want to go back. i want to go back to Portland too. i think thats what i'll do. next summer, or maybe even this comming spring i'll drive down there and stay there for a week. that'll be my first vacation.

vacations remind me of the scene in "Love Liza" were Hoffman's character is on "vacation" by himself. its really tragic beautiful in a way because he's not really alive anymore. he just plays the motions like a puppet on a string, only he doesnt really know that he is yet. i like the end of that movie too.

pay day tomorrow. i gotta pick up some "shit" from some dude in Vacaville. should be cool. make plans for the weekend. possibly get guitar hero 2. i dunno though, we'll see. i have a copy on hold at the game shop.

i have to shave tomorrow... i hate shaving when i get the cool stuble. shit.

i sort of got stood up tonight. it sucks. but i sort of knew it was comming because she really wanted to reschedule. i got off my ass today though. so its cool. my room is very clean. and all my laundry is clean. couldnt have worked out any better... well it could have.

i'm sort of glad she didnt come over though, because i really wanted to cuddle and i dunno if that would have been appropriate. i like my new cellphone. its totally a cheap peice of shit. i almost got the smallest camera phone but my brother talked me out of it.

i hella want to play some lazer tag. even if its a one on one. i wouldnt care.

i'm beyond sleepy now. but i'm gonna go for a quick drive. just to leave a note. actually i'll wait till later for that. 3ish sounds good.

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