i have the most amazing girlfriend. this time its for real. i can tell. how? because, it started out beautifully. i cant really describe it any better than that.

i saw Taking Back Sunday last wednesday. with Sarah of course.

i cant wait for the Early November show next week. if Sarah gets that day off we'll try to swing by Wayne's place for a hot second and then go to the show.

oh, something terrible happened. i found out that one of my childhood friends died in a car accident, about 2 weeks ago now. he was driving home from work in Oregon and "lost control of his car" as his mom told me. totally sucks because shortly before we lost touch, we sort of had a falling out. i regreted losing that friendship and now i wont get a chance to say sorry and goodbye. but i know i can still. and i've tried, and i'm slowly making peace with his departure. its kinda hard though.

Sarah is supposed to come over on monday. thats all i'm looking forward to. is that sad? not really... because before her it was looking for starwars stuff... so its an improvement at least. lol.

i'm listening to that +44 right now. its some good stuff. i didnt know they swore in their songs. i didnt notice it when i saw them play. its good stuff though. did i mention Sarah is going to come over tomorrow? she is. i sorta want to take her to my room so we can make the make out. but i dunno. we'll see how things go.

anyway, i need to get dressed for work. maybe after work i'll post some of the myspace blogs on here. since i'm always on myspace now... yeah.

i miss you. take that how ever you want.

Sunday, March 11, 2007
a new demon emerges.
Current mood: aggravated

This one is in the form of doubt.

"do i trust my heart or just my mind why is truth so hard to find in this world?"

that comes immediately to mind right now. i want to believe everything is alright. that all people are good, and i can forgive everyone. but certain things have occured and the deep impenetrable shadow of doubt looms over me now. i doubt my feelings, my heart. its painful. i imagine it as though i'm being born again, torn from the comfort and security of the womb to a world covered with false meanings and decptions. it hurts a lot.

i'm so eager to have my heart out on a platter, served with the utmost of care, incapable of regret. always ready for it to be consumed by another. always too eager to do something stupid. i wont second guess life. i wont doubt my own actions. but i cant help but feel as though there is some weight to what a friend has said. that just maybe i am, once again, walking into a disaster.

if i choose to believe these accusations, these statements, i've mistaken someone and made a grave error. i can simply walk away and just lement over it all for a little while and then go on with my life. if i decide that its just the ramblings of a jealous angry person, who is only intent on starting and maintaining drama i've judged someone (which is pretty bad i think...) correctly, and will be forced into a confrontation to make my views painfully clear.

it seems as though i must confront someone and see how i stand with them to see if their is anything at all to these accusations/statments. but if i do, i give in to my doubts and fears. if i dont... i may end up getting hurt emotionally.

i'm much to eager to get hurt...

this was not as hard as i wanted it to be. the choice is so clear. i ignore what this person has said. i should forgive them. i should continue doing what my heart tells me. i should continue living as i see fit. and if he was right. we'll... its been beautiful and amazing and i can only be thankful for what i've experienced.

their would be nothing ugly in being wrong.
their would only be my suffering. but i guess if i am going to live life, i can only do it at the expensive of myself and pray that i can only learn and be better for everything i do.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007
the immortals.
Current mood: tired

i want to see highlander.

went to Rasputins after school today. i picked up two CDs for about 10 dollars, so it was really cool. i was looking for a used copy of haymaker but never found it. but its cool, i just want it for like 2 songs.

went to the Marina with Maria and Jason today. it was pretty cool. had the lunch at that greek place... i think its called Athenian grill. i'm not sure though. after that we walked around and went into the marsh. Jason fashioned spears out of large sticks. walked around for a while. i saw a snake and shooed it off the trail. it was great. i wish i had my camera with me at the time, as i'd have enjoyed taking a photograph of it. after the snake sighting we turned back and headed back to civilization.

when i got home i took my sister to the library and then we went to game crazy. my friend Milo was telling me about a new guitar hero game. totally sweet. i have two guitars already so i can save my money and just buy the new game now. i hope it has something by the Styx on it. that would totally make my day.

umm... yeah, i beat ultimate alliance finally. so i'm going to trade that in probably thursday to get the 360 version. yup..

Taking back sunday is only a few hours away now. i cant sleep i'm so excited!

Thursday, March 15, 2007
Taking Back Sunday!
Current mood: optimistic

let me just start off by saying wow. the concert and day were just amazing. i'm so lucky to have been able to share it with Sarah. we missed a few songs by Armor for Sleep. i hadnt heard anything by them before so it sorta sucked, but they were alright. When Underoath came on their was a clip from 300 that they played (audio only) and it was the part where king Leonidas says, "madness? this is not madness! THIS IS SPARTA!" and Underoath started playing immediately after. totally awesome. they played a lot of good songs. a lot of old stuff. i'd seen them play once before in roseville. they had a pretty good set, like 8ish songs. Taking Back Sunday came on last. i forget which song they opened with but it was on that, "louder now" CD. they played a lot of old songs which was great. the new singer was singing them differently though. but it still sounded good and it still was recognizable and thats what really matters. i think the best part of the whole night was holding Sarah for the entirety of TBS's set and their oncour.

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